


Jumping The Shark

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Michael Novotny Bashing, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-11
Updated: 2006-01-11
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:39:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12078465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Mysterious Marilyn wakes up from a nightmare......





	Jumping The Shark

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: This is all in good fun, and I know I'm bitter but I can't help it! B/J didn't deserve the craptastic ending they were given....  
Hope you like, and if you like please review. Sorry if I offend anyone;(  


* * *

Mysterious Marilyn woke up with a start from one of her horribly prophetic dreams, only this wasn’t a dream - it was a nightmare!   
The nightmare was about her favorite TV Show ‘jumping the shark’ and being taken over by an aggravating supporting cast.  
Marilyn knew what she had to do - she had to go find her favorite characters and warn them about all the contrived storylines and pointless plot devices ahead of them - before it was too late!  
The next night she went to Woody’s and found her favorite couple there, surrounded by the Aggravating Supporting Cast. It was amazing how they could always be found there! Then again, considering it was the only gay drinking establishment around for miles, maybe not….

She turned to Ted first, gave him some Crystal Meth and said, ‘Here! Try this! You’ll love it!’.   
‘Then you can piss off and wallow in your own self-pity for the rest of your life…somewhere far, far away from here!’.  
Ted tried the Crystal Meth, and sure enough, he loved it!  
‘This stuff could get addictive!’. He left Woody’s, and Mysterious Marilyn breathed a sigh of relief..her first one for the night.

Next, she turned to Mel and Linds.  
‘You know, Canada’s lovely this time of year..ever thought about moving there?’   
‘Why would we want to go there?’ Lindsay asked in an irritatingly superior voice , ‘Brian would be so far away!’  
‘Oh, shut up Lindsay! No one cares about you or Mel – all you do is have babies and cheat on each other, as well as making annoying noises during your annoying love scenes that nobody watches.’  
‘Next you’ll be telling me I’m not really a lesbian!’ Lindsay joked  
‘You’re not’ said Marilyn, ‘And another thing – don’t ever lose heaps of weight – it’s not a good look on you and your tits will end up really saggy’  
Mel opened her mouth, no doubt to say something sarcastic and unfunny, but Marilyn stopped her. She threw her and Linds outside and pushed them into a taxi, which, co-incidentally was going to Canada.  
‘Have a nice life!’ Marilyn yelled, although she didn’t really care what happened to them now they were gone.

Once inside she turned to Debbie, whose T-Shirt read, ‘WHY DO THEY ALWAYS DRESS ME IN REALLY UNFLATTERING OUTFITS?’  
‘See that guy over there?’ Marilyn asked Deb as she pointed to a policeman standing in the corner, ‘His name’s Carl and you’d be perfect for each other, don’t you think?’  
Debbie’s eyes lit up at the opportunity to give her opinion, and hopefully doll out some unsolicited advice at the same time, but Marilyn wisely cut her off.  
‘Debbie – you need something else in your life besides PFLAG and your irritating son. And to stop the storylines becoming increasingly Novotny-centric you really need to go’.  
Debbie thought about that for a minute or two, and she realised that Marilyn was right, so she headed over to Carl to introduce herself.  
She passed Rosie O’Donnell on the way and thought that was odd, as Rosie didn’t belong on the show. ‘Fuck off!’ she told her, and because no one ever argues with Deb, Rosie left to find herself another mediocre guest-starring role.

Marilyn rounded on Michael next, who stared at her with a look of annoyance/constipation on his face – she wasn’t sure which – he only had two types of facial expressions in his acting range, after all.  
‘Michael Novotny…’ Marilyn said, ‘You are without a doubt the most annoying protagonist ever to appear on the small screen, and to stop you interfering in Brian and Justin’s storylines and taking up way too much valuable screen time, I suggest you go to Canada with the lesbians and never come back!’  
‘Find yourself a hot but dull professor on the way and have boring, un-convincing sex with him if you want…I don’t really care so long as I don’t have to watch’  
‘And you can take all the increasingly political storylines and bad puns on the word ‘hole’ with you, too….’  
Mikey looked up at her in his annoyed/constipated way that was actually meant to convey enthusiasm that he didn’t have to play a fag anymore.  
‘I’m outta here!’ he yelled, as everyone in Woodys breathed a collective sigh of relief, and after mugging for the camera one last time he left.

It was Emmett’s turn next, and Marilyn told him he could stay, provided he kept away from stupid faerie cults and ‘rekindling the flame’ storylines.  
‘I’ll just be the token flamboyantly gay guy then, shall I?’ Emmett asked, and Marilyn happily agreed.

Marilyn turned to her beloved couple at long last and simply watched them for awhile.  
They really did have a rare, beautiful connection…it was a joy to watch them together.  
Marilyn was about to go and ask them to get naked as she was in need of some fucking hot, gratuitous sex, when they suddenly disappeared….  
‘What the fuck?!’ ‘Where did they go?!’ Marilyn asked Emmett  
‘To find a show more deserving of their talents I imagine’ Emmett replied as he sipped on a cosmo and contemplated the bizarre, unsatisfying ending he’d been left with.  
‘Oh well! At least the show can end with me dancing now!’

Marilyn decided it was time to find herself a new fandom….


End file.
